Saturday, March 06, 2010

Reasons Couples Fight and Solutions

reasons couple fight relationship problems india hassles partners husband wife boyfriend girlfriendRecently, I have seen many of my friends break up for really simple stupid reasons. These situations could easily have been solved by a little conversation and understanding. I am writing this post with the hope that any couple facing such relationship problems may read it and work to save their relationship. Here are some of the reasons couples fight, how to solve them and mend your relationship.

1. Different Expectations
Each partner may have different expectations from the other partner in a relationship. Various expectations are one of the reasons couples fight. Making your expectations clear and detailed to your partner helps create a positive and constructive relationship. The expectations should be balanced and both partners should know what is expected of them and what they should expect in return. A conversation should take place, don't expect your partner to know what you are thinking.

2. Personality Differences
People usually assume that their partner is the same as them and think exactly the same. We sometimes fail to realize that the other person may be thinking completely differently from us and we fail to understand their behavior. One of the most common personality differences is extroversion - introversion. Personality differences are one of the main reasons couples fight.

Opposites attract but this basic difference also creates frequent misunderstandings between couples as communication styles and lifestyle preferences are quite different. As being an introvert/extrovert is part of your natural character, it is very difficult to change. Understanding, accepting and valuing each others differences can make any relationship much stronger and balanced.

3. Attachment Style
A secure attachment in childhood leads to healthy emotional and psychological behavior in adults. Our connections with other people helps build our self esteem and emotional security. People with a secure childhood and stable parents are able to enjoy stable and secure relationships as adults. An insecure childhood, missing parents or harsh parents contribute to the reasons couples fight.

A persons attachment style depends on their experiences as a child, their family attachment patterns, personality and preferences. There are four main types of attachment - secure, anxious, avoidant and mixed feelings. If at least one of the partners is secure, the relationship has the chance to be more stable and have greater security. Understanding and tolerance are the keywords.

4. Transference
This is what happens when we think/relate to a person in the present based on what someone else did/said to us in the past. This means that sometimes you don't hear what a person says, but what you think they have said, which is subtly different - and based on what someone else had said/done to you in the past.

Expectations built on the past are a cause of general negativity. You were let down in the past, therefore you believe that the future would be lonely too...and you can't believe anyone who says that they will always be there for you.

It is very difficult to forget the past and see things in a fresh new light. We all have a history of experiences and relationships that helped form our personalities. Sometimes, the past gets in the way of enjoying the present. This is a habit that is quite difficult to change and one of the reasons couples fight. This problem can be solved by talking about it with close friends who know about your past or explaining the situation to your partner.

Well, this is a list of some of the main reasons couples fight. Do you know of any other reasons why couples fight? What are the main issues for which you fight with your partner??


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