Difficult Wife and Domestic Quarrels - Advice on Relationships

In recent years, many Indian men and women, who have traditionally had arranged marriages, have decided to pursue their dreams and marry the person they love. Like arranged marriages, love marriages also have their set of joys and problems.

Most of my friends have said that I am a pretty good advice giver on such issues, so I have decided to post my experiences and advice on this blog, so that others may also benefit. Anyone who wishes to add other advice and solutions to the discussed marital problems, may post their views in the comment section.

Difficult Wife

Mr.X married Miss.Y two years ago. After marriage, domestic fights began with her in laws and the wife could not manage with the husband's family. The wife wanted to live separately and soon after the couple shifted to a separate house in the same neighborhood. The wife does not like the husband to visit or speak to his family and continues to squabble if he does so. She also objects to the amount of money he gives his family. He says he fulfills every need of this wife and there is no 'money problem' from his side.

Mr.X admits his wife has no contact with her family since she married him. He also says that his family members, mostly his mother, have said 'bitter' words to her on some occasions. Both are well educated. The quarrels are intolerable and he needs help. What should he do?


My Solution

The main reason for such a marital situation is the fact that the wife is missing her family members and is not able to express it in the right way. Even though both the husband and wife may have initially married against their family's wishes - right now, the husband still has contact with his family while the wife has not spoken to her family for two years. This must be making the wife slightly jealous and sad that she got the worse off deal, family-wise, from the love marriage.

It may be noticed that these marital squabbles usually happen around major festivals or birthdays of the wife's family members. This is when Miss Y may reminisce about the happy times she had with her parents and siblings. She may miss them a lot and be unable to tell her husband of her feelings.

The solution to this marital problem is for the husband to somehow get her to contact her family. This can be done through email, ecards, sms, phone calls, letters and so on. The husband should either tell her to contact them or if she is too scared, he should contact them himself. Her family must be missing her too and not phoning her because they may be scared of her reaction. However, someone has to make a start and be the first person to call. If her family is rude and hangs up, don't worry.... call them again after two or three weeks...and don't give up.

In such a marital scenario, both husband and wife must forget their ego. Remember, you are much greater if you make relationships than if you break them.


Dealing with Money Issues and the 'Mother'

The things the wife wants most from her husband, is his TIME, CARE and SUPPORT. If a husband is unable to offer quality time during which regular conversation takes place and he appreciates and compliments her, then the wife will demand material thing like movie tickets, restaurant dinner, jewellery, money etc. In reality, she just wants her husband's attention and not his money. Example: She does not really want to see a movie, she wants her husband to spend time with her by taking her out for a movie and have a conversation with her, like when they were dating.

The wife needs her husbands support. She left everything for her husband when she chose to marry him, so he must remember that he is the only person she has and trusts. A husband can show his support by coming to her aid when his family says 'bitter' things about her. Don't ever tell her to ignore it, saying that your family has always been like this and to bear the 'bitter' comments in silence. Mr.X may have known his family since childhood and may have developed a certain immunity to their behaviour, but Miss Y cannot be expected to do the same in a short span of time.

If the husband is unable to support her in times of such 'trouble', the wife will begin to believe that he has stopped caring and does not love her anymore. As a result, she may either become very possessive or she may leave the husband.


Getting Rid of the 'Bitter' Comments

The simplest way of getting rid of negative comments and bitter feelings, is to never spread the comments around. Never tell her or her friends about anything negative your family has said about her when she was not around. Also do not tell your family members of anything negative she says about them. This will only add fuel to the fire and cause more marital discord.

When it comes to positive comments, please spread them around freely. If no one has said anything positive, make up some imaginary positive comments/compliments. The husband should tell his family that his wife keeps saying positive things about them. This will create a sense of goodwill and they will begin to act positive towards her. He should do the same with his wife also.

The usual squabbles of wife with mother-in-law and sister-in law may still be there - but at a much lower level. This is because women usually interact and squabble only with other women. They keep away from male relatives. All things get better with time. All the couple needs to remember is to give each other the same love, care and support that they gave before the marriage.

Kaminey - Movie Review

Kaminey - 8/10 - Action/Drama - starring Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra, watched at 3C's Lajpat Nagar.

Basically, Kaminey is a movie about gangsters, drugs, local politics and forbidden love. Shahid Kapoor plays a double role as twin brothers Guddu, a stutterer who works in an NGO and Charlie, a lisper who is a small time crook. Charlie finds a stash of cocaine and is on the run from the police, drug lords and mafia while Guddu marries Sweety, the sister of a local politician and is on the run from his party workers.

Kaminey is a very well written and perfectly cast movie. The screenplay is realistic and every scene, onscreen action, dialogue and background music has a deep meaning, which adds to the story. A good job by movie director Vishal Bharadwaj. The actors, right from Shahid Kapoor to the character actors in bit roles, fit the part perfectly and did justice to the roles given to them.

There were some inconsistencies in the film, like Shahid sometimes forgetting to say 'f' for 's' while lisping as part of the character of Charlie. For example, when he threatens to shoot the cop in the head and starts counting to 10, he says 'dus' instead of 'duf'. The dialogue in Kaminey was very realistic. Only a person who has loved a person of another community could understand the fear brought on by a simple line like 'Tyacha nao kaay' (what is his name), spoken by Sweety's brother's goons when they barge into her secret wedding venue.

I liked the songs especially 'Dhan Ta Nan' and 'Pehli Baar Mohabbat'. Though a bit violent, the movie manages to capture the city of Mumbai in its full essence. After a long time, Bollywood has come up with something both sensible and entertaining. Plus, Kaminey has a happy ending. I certainly recommend this movie for a watch.

Have you watched Kaminey? What did you think of it?

Filing Late Income Tax Returns in India

The deadline for filing Income Tax Returns for salaried individuals has recently passed. If you are one of those people who have missed the 31st July deadline for filing taxes, then don’t fret, you may still be able to file your late IT returns with zero penalties.

The website of the Income Tax Department of India says that, ‘a tax return may be furnished any time before the expiry of two years from the end of the financial year in which the income was earned’. This means that if you earned your income during FY 2008-09, you may file a belated return anytime before 31st March, 2011. Of course, you may lose certain benefits available to those who file their returns on time, but it is better to file them late than never...

All late income tax returns filed after 31st July, 2009 are termed as a ‘belated return’. People who have zero net tax payable are lucky. If you file your late income tax return before the end of the current financial year, that is, 31st March, 2010 and all your taxes are paid, then no penalty or interest will be imposed on you. However, you may forego some of your rights as a taxpayer, such as:

- You will not be able to carry forward your losses.
- You cannot claim a tax refund.
- You cannot revise your return.

If you still have some tax dues, while filing the delayed income tax return, then you will be charged one per cent interest per month on the outstanding tax payable amount from March 2009. Partial months are considered to be full months.

Those who miss the 31st March, 2010 deadline may still file their belated tax returns within the next financial year. The Income Tax Department will accept late returns till 31st March, 2011 with a late filing penalty of Rs.5000. This means you would have to pay one percent interest per month on the outstanding tax payable amount plus a penalty of Rs.5000.

One of the main advantages of filing Income Tax Returns is that it is useful while applying for loans. Whether you need a housing loan, vehicle loan or a loan for any other purpose, most loan managers at banks will always ask for the Income Tax Returns of the past 2 years, as proof of your financial ability. If you are planning to take a loan in the future, either for yourself or your loved ones, then filing of income tax returns, even belated, is a necessity.

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince - Movie Review

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince - 8/10 - Fantasy - starring Daniel Radcliff, Emma Thompson and Rupert Grint.

The movie was much better than the book, which I had found to be quite long and boring. It was good to see the repetitive bits cut off, like Albus Dumbledore's long speeeches, repeated pensieve sessions, long fights and funeral. Well, Daniel Radcliff hasn't grown as tall as the fictional Harry Potter - it takes some of the realism away but he still looks quite adorable.


The movie direction and screenplay were great. They should get rid of that blue filter - it is used a bit too much in a bit too many movies. The acting was awesome, especially of the two kids who played the young Tom Riddle and Professor Slughorn. Good character development of the main protagonists as they mature from teenagers to young adults.

Interesting question - During the movie, Harry never tells anyone other than Hermione, Ron and Ginny that he has the Potions textbook belonging to the Half Blood Prince. In the end, Severus Snape tells Harry that he is the 'Half Blood Prince'. How did Severus Snape know that Harry had his old textbook or that Harry was interested in knowing his identity?

Have you watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince? What did you think of it?